Space Battles
by Lord Seth
Summary: A really long really funny really goofy parody on Star Wars with Mario characters.


Note: This story was originally posted on another website, so some of the characters, such as Susan, Lord Seth, and Vapor, may not be very well known. Also, some of the 'inside-jokes' may not be understood. Still, this will hopefully be a funny story, and will hopefully be enjoyed.  
  
Space Battles by Lord Seth  
  
Episode IV: A New Disaster  
  
The following words appear in space, slowly cycling away from you until you can no longer see them (cool music plays in the background):  
  
Sometime in the future, in a galaxy not very far away...  
  
Space Battles Episode IV: A New Disaster  
  
A giant weapon of death known as the Doom Sphere is being built by the Empire. Princess Susan has the plans to it, and wants to take them to the planet LSeth, so some genius or other can analyze them and find a weak point that they can exploit, although it'll be really hard to do so. Unfortunately, Darth Morton hears of this plot and readies his troops, anxious to stop Susan. This is mostly because if the Doom Sphere blows up, he'll most likely be out of a job. And now our story begins...  
A spaceship is going through space. It goes along quietly, calmly... Suddenly, another spaceship comes onto the screen! It attacks the first spaceship and boards it. A bunch of Koopa Troopas come in and shoot all the Goombas. A weird guy that seems to have trouble breathing and is in a black costume comes in.  
  
Darth Morton: It is...d'oh! I forgot my lines again! I hate forgetting my lines. The stupid scriptwriter-  
  
Lord Seth: Which is me!!!  
  
(Darth) Morton: -never makes us memorize them enough. I mean, honestly, we always forget our lines, or at least I do. Despite whatever I do, I always forget them. I mean, honestly...  
  
Koopa Troopa: SHUT UP!  
  
Suddenly the Koopa Troopa has trouble breathing.  
  
Koopa Troopa: ...release me, please, your talkativeness!  
  
Morton: That's better.  
  
The Koopa Troopa can breath again and gasps for air.  
  
Morton: Now where's that Princess Susan? WHERE IS SHE?!  
  
Koopa Troopa: If you looked behind you...  
  
Morton turns around and sees Princess Susan.  
  
Princess Susan: Darn! I thought this was the perfect hiding place!  
  
Morton: Well I would've noticed you anyway, because I am skilled in the ways of the Farce, so I can tell where people are, and I would find you, although it may take me a day or two.  
  
(Princess) Susan: We were on a diplomatic mission to the planet LSeth*, and suddenly you attack us! Why?!  
  
*Named after none other than Lord Seth, despite the fact that he's never even heard of the place.  
  
Morton: Because you were really bringing the plans to the Doom Sphere, to the Rebel Alliance! But I, the great, marvelous, superb, magnificent, Kooptacular Darth Morton knew that you were bringing the plans to the Doom Sphere, just like I already said.  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
C-Mario: What? You say the Princess gave you the instructions to the Doom Sphere?  
  
R2-Luigi: Beep Bloop!  
  
(C-)Mario: What?! And leave and go to...uh-oh!  
  
R2-Luigi pushes Mario into an escape pod.  
  
(R2-)Luigi: Bleep Bloop beep.  
  
The escape pod accidentally goes into a Dark Pit!  
  
Luigi: Beep Beep Beep! (Darn! Stupid Controls!)  
  
Mario: I told you we shouldn't have done this, but did you listen to...WHAT?!  
  
Suddenly, the spaceship rockets straight toward the planet Vapor, where there's lots of desert. Some weird guys called Martians came and grabbed the droids.  
  
Martians: Ooshee wawa?  
  
The Martians go and sell the droids to Lemmy CloudDropper.  
  
Lemmy: Hahahaha! Now I have my own droid slaves! I shall reign supreme over-  
  
Lord Seth: This is a parody on Star Wars, you idiot! It's NOT a regular Fun Fiction! In fact, it's a Scribble!  
  
Lemmy: Sorry.  
  
Luigi: Bloop.  
  
A holographic image comes from Luigi.  
  
Holograph Susan: Bowser Canibe, help! Take these plans to the Rebel Alliance so they can destroy the Doom Sphere and save the world; until the sequel, anyway. You're my only hope.  
  
Lemmy: Oh! We need to bring this to Bowser Canibe, who's this one weird guy who lives in the desert.  
  
Mario: This planet is all desert!  
  
Lemmy: Oh, I mean the part that's more desert than this is desert.  
  
Mario: This can be less desert?!  
  
Lemmy: Um, yeah.  
  
They progress, looking for Bowser Canibe. They finally find him.  
  
Bowser: #$^%. Leave me alone, I'm trying to watch this movie called Space Battles.  
  
Lemmy: But this is an emergency.  
  
Bowser: Really?  
  
Luigi: Bleep Bleep Bleep Bleep!  
  
The message, which we already saw before, is shown again.  
  
Bowser: Aha! This can only mean one thing. We have to go stop the Empire. Now, you, Lemmy, are skilled in the ways of the Farce.  
  
Lemmy: Cool!  
  
Bowser: Because your father, Boom-Boom CloudDropper, was too.  
  
Lemmy: Teach me all about it.  
  
Bowser: Take this DarkSword. It is not as clumsy, or as random as a Fire Flower, but can only be used by those who know the Farce. I shall be your tutor along the way. Your father was a good man, and my friend, but was killed by an evil being called Darth Morton.  
  
Lemmy: Then where's Darth Morton? I wanna kill him!  
  
Bowser: Sure, but we must first get a spaceship and travel to the planet of LSeth.  
  
Lemmy and Bowser go to the semi spaceport and marketplace of Vapor.  
  
Mario: Wait! You forgot us!  
  
Oh, sorry. They took Mario and Luigi with them.  
  
Luigi: Bloop! (Thanks!)  
  
Suddenly, some Koopa Troopas appear!  
  
Koopa Troopa: These look suspiciously like the droids that we're looking for. Can we see your clearance?  
  
Bowser: We don't need clearance.  
  
Koopa Troopas: You don't need clearance.  
  
Bowser: These aren't the droids you're looking for.  
  
Koopa Troopas: These aren't the droids we're looking for.  
  
Bowser: You'll stop mimicking me and let us through.  
  
Koopa Troopas: We'll stop mimicking you and let you through.  
  
They let them through.  
  
Lemmy: What the heck was that?  
  
Bowser: I used the Farce!  
  
They find someone by the name of Larry Solo who's willing to take them.  
  
Larry Solo: Only if you pay money! I owe Ludwig the Cutt lots of money!  
  
Bowser: Sure. I shall pay you two thousand, and then thirteen from the LSeth government.  
  
Larry (Solo): Okay.  
  
Suddenly a large green creature with a big tongue comes bounding out of Larry's ship, the Century Eagle.  
  
Yoshbacca: Blorp!  
  
Larry: Hi Yoshi (his nickname for Yoshbacca).  
  
Lemmy: Uh-oh...  
  
Yoshi eats Lemmy.  
  
Larry: Bad Yoshi! Spit him out!  
  
Lemmy (now completely covered in spit and drool and who knows what): YUCK!  
  
Larry: Sorry. I haven't fed him for five minutes.  
  
Koopa Troopas: There they are!  
  
Larry: Uh-oh. I think we should get out of here.  
  
Everyone dashes into the Century Eagle. It takes off into the atmosphere.  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Morton: Have the Princess brought here because I want to talk to her and intimidate her so she'll tell me where the Rebel Alliance's Headquarters is. I need to know that so I can destroy it, and then reign supreme over the entire universe, or at least this one galaxy. This will be easier because of the Doom Sphere, but I still must know the Rebel Alliance's Headquarters! Otherwise I'll have to destroy all the planets, which is tiresome and annoying.  
  
Susan is brought in.  
  
Morton: Tell us where the Rebel Alliance Headquarters is, because we want to destroy it, and you know where it is, which is why you should tell us where it is, even though I'm not giving you very good reasons, but they're good reasons for us, although you're not me, which is so obvious I don't even need to say it.  
  
Susan: No!  
  
Morton: Really? I think I can convince you! Hahahahahaha!!!!  
  
Morton puts a CD into the CD player that's called "Darth Morton's Speech About Speeches" and presses Play  
  
Morton: Hahahaha!  
  
Susan: AAAAAHHHHH!!!  
  
One Hour Later...  
  
Morton pressed Stop.  
  
Morton: Is that enough? Or do I need to show you the unedited copy? I have the unedited copy right here, and it's much longer and more horrible than this one. Would you like to be tortured in this way? Or should I do something worse...?  
  
Susan: Nothing could be worse than this.  
  
Morton: I can blow up your home planet, LSeth! But if you tell me where the Rebel Alliance is, we'll blow that up instead. So do you want to save your peaceful planet or not?  
  
Susan: Okay! The headquarters is at...Shadow.  
  
Morton: Destroy LSeth, because I despise all the nice people who live there. Besides, it's peaceful, and I need to demonstrate my semi- philosophy that being a pacifist will generally end up with you being killed.  
  
BBBOOOOOOOOMMMMM!!!! (LSeth, which is totally related to Lord Seth, as we mentioned earlier, is destroyed)  
  
Susan: Hey! I told you that it was on the planet Shadow! Why are you destroying LSeth?  
  
Morton: No, I know you're not telling the truth, because I used the Farce, and knew that you weren't telling the truth. Never lie to a Seth Lord. (not related at all to Lord Seth) especially one that can use the Farce! Then again, all Seth Lords can use the Farce, so that doesn't really matter.  
  
Susan: Drat.  
  
Morton: So I shall have you executed at sundown, like they always do on those cowboy movies.  
  
Susan: We're in space! There is no sundown!  
  
Morton: D'oh! I'll execute you when there's a rescue party for you, then. The only reason I'm doing this is because that's how good movies are made even though this isn't a movie at least I think it isn't.  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Bowser: Darn! We're being pulled towards the Doom Sphere.  
  
Larry: How d'you know it's the Doom Sphere?  
  
Bowser: I read ahead in the script.  
  
Lord Seth grabs the script from Bowser and teleports away.  
  
Lemmy: What just happened?  
  
Bowser: I have no idea.  
  
Yoshi: Oorp!  
  
The Century Eagle is brought towards the Doom Sphere inch by inch. Finally it is incased within it.  
  
Morton arrives upon the scene.  
  
Morton: Aha! There is someone hiding in that ship.  
  
Koopa Troopa: Did you use the Farce to determine that, sir?  
  
Morton: No. I read ahead in the script.  
  
Lord Seth: OKAY! How many copies of the script are there? Who has one?  
  
Everyone raises their hands.  
  
Lord Seth: This is going to take a while.  
  
While Lord Seth gets all the scripts, Lemmy and his friends silently slink away from the ship.  
  
Larry: Okay! We have to rescue that Princess so I can get the money to pay off Ludwig the Cutt.  
  
Bowser: You go alone. I have my own job to do. Your destiny is not the same as mine (who made up these lousy sentences?)  
  
As Larry and Lemmy and Yoshi go to rescue Susan, Bowser goes along, turning off the defense mechanisms, that is, so they can escape.  
  
Suddenly Morton appears.  
  
Morton: Hahahaha! We meet again, Bowser Canibe. When I left you, you were the master, teacher, instructor and I was the learner, pupil, student. Now I am the master, and you aren't the learner, but not as much as a master as I am. I shall destroy you, because I don't like you, because you're nice and good while I'm evil.  
  
Bowser: You can't defeat me, Darth. If you strike me down, I shall become stronger than you can never imagine.  
  
Morton: Oh. I guess I'd better not strike you down, because then you'll become really powerful and defeat me, which is bad, because I don't like to be defeated.  
  
Bowser: Good.  
  
Morton grabs his DarkSword and stabs Bowser with is.  
  
Morton: Hahaha! You fell for that? That's the oldest trick in the book! See? Look at this.  
  
Morton holds out a book called "The Book". On the first page it says "Oldest Trick" and shows a picture of Morton tricking Bowser.  
  
Morton: Hmmmm?? What the heck happened? He disappeared, which is bad. It must be because this story must be appropriate for all ages, and we can't allow any blood. I hate censorship.  
  
Bowser disappeared when Morton stabbed him. Only his clothes remain.  
  
Morton: Darn! I wanted to gloat at him before I killed him, but he's already dead. Unless, of course, what he said was true, which means I have to watch out for him, because he's more powerful than I can ever imagine. But I have a good imagination, which means that he must be pretty darn powerful. But he was only trying to intimidate me.  
  
While Morton is talking to no one in particular, Larry, Lemmy and Yoshi manage to rescue Princess Susan and get the heck out of there. The Rebel Alliance discovers the weak point and destroys the Doom Sphere.  
  
BBBBOOOOOOOMMMMM!!!!!!!  
  
Editor's Note: The original sound was so loud that it could be hear for a several billion mile radius, which is why we toned it down a lot. (1,000,000,000 decibels).  
  
Lemmy: So the galaxy is safe. Darn! I thought this story would be stretched out some more.  
  
Yoshi: Plorp!  
  
But is it truly safe? Darth Morton escaped! This has been a great victory, but it is not the end!  
  
The End  
  
NO! I said it ISN'T the end.  
  
Whoever Wrote 'The End': Sorry.  
  
The credits roll. The next part is the next movie in the story. Although this is a trilogy, it's really Episodes 4-6. We'll make 1-3 later.  
Episode V: The Empire Strikes Left  
  
The following words appear in space, slowly cycling away from you until you can no longer see them (and cool music plays, too):  
  
Space Battles Episode V: The Umpire Strikes Left  
  
The Rebel Alliance have relocated to the ice planet of Flame. Meanwhile, Darth Morton is looking for them, using probes. He intends to find Lemmy CloudDropper, for a reason that we shall see later in the movie. So, while the Rebels plan their next attack, the Empire is already starting theirs. At the exact same time, Ludwig the Cutt is sending more and more Bounty Hunters after Larry, who's kind of annoyed. And now our story begins...  
  
Lemmy: Why's it so cold on this planet?  
  
Mario: Because this planet, I believe, has mostly ice, and the temperature is low. That is why it is cold.  
  
Lemmy (sarcastically): Well thanks for telling me that.  
  
Mario: My pleasure.  
  
Luigi: Bloop!  
  
Larry: Well I have to get going. There's a #$#@ing price on my head because I'm not paying my debt to Ludwig the Cutt.  
  
Yoshi: Blorp!  
  
Lemmy: I can fix that!  
  
Lemmy tears the price tag off Larry's head.  
  
Larry: Ow! That hurt you know.  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Several Bounty Hunters that are looking for Larry decide to stop.  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Someone is working on a computer. He turns around and is Lord Seth.  
  
Lord Seth: Get out of here! I'm trying to write this!  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Darth Morton was being mean while all these things were happening. Furious that he couldn't find the Rebel Alliance's HQ, he's been choking some of his own generals.  
  
Meanwhile...(too many meanwhile's!)  
  
A probe lands on Flame. It spies the Rebel HQ, but blows up just after it sent the message.  
  
Away from here...(I'm not saying 'Meanwhile...' whoops, I just did!)  
  
Morton: Aha! We now have the location of the Rebel base! We shall destroy it, and reign supreme, because there are no more major opponents after we destroy it. Then we shall finish conquering the galaxy, which we would have done last time with the Doom Sphere, but it was destroyed so we didn't get a chance. Ready the Sun Demolishers (even though they can't really destroy Suns)! Ready the Albatrosses [TIE Fighters]! Ready everything! We shall be victorious! Hahahahahaha!!!!  
  
Red Koopa Paratroopa: Yes sir!  
  
After all the troops are readied...  
  
Morton: WHAT?! You tell me you went so close to the Flame system that the Rebel Scum detected you?! Grrrr...  
  
Red Koopa Paratroopa can no longer breath. He collapses to the ground. We are not sure if he is dead or not, but he is not moving.  
  
Morton: Begin the invasion, now-promoted-to-Admiral-but-former-Captain Green Koopa Paratroopa! We shall destroy the Rebels, which I think I already said no less than one time.  
  
Green Koopa Paratroopa: Yes.  
  
Back on Planet Flame...  
  
Susan: Darn! The Empire knows where we are. We have to evacuate.  
  
Larry: You mean like on all those Iggy interviews Lord Seth wrote a looooong time ago, before he decided to do them himself?  
  
Susan: Yes, just like those interviews! Get going!!  
  
Lord Seth: I do my own interviews now! I wish people wouldn't mention those!  
  
No one hears Lord Seth because he's a far way away, which is good, because he didn't WANT them to hear it. Anyway while everyone is trying to evacuate, the AT-ATs are attacking.  
  
Susan: Hurry up! The AT-ATs are attacking!  
  
Lemmy: We know. We know.  
  
As everyone is flying away, Lemmy receives a weird message from a strange voice.  
  
Weird Voice That Sounds Somewhat Like Bowser: You must go to the planet Swampy, where you will meet a Jedi Master, Toad, who shall complete your training.  
  
Lemmy: Bowser...? I thought Darth Morton killed you.  
  
Weird Voice That Sounds Somewhat Like Bowser: Um, he did. This is my spirit talking to you. I was preserved by the Farce! Actually, everyone becomes part of the Farce when they die. At least, I think so.  
  
Lemmy: Fine. Set course for the planet Swampy.  
  
While Lemmy is heading for the planet Swampy, the rest of our friends are going in a different direction. We'll find out where in a second.  
  
Morton: Grrr...I can't believe they got away. Put a tracer on those ships. I want to know where they are now, where they are going, when they'll get there, and why're they're going where they're going and why they're early or late when they get there.  
  
Koopa Troopa: That will be difficult, sir. They're going into hyperspace, and-  
  
Morton: I do not like to hear my orders disobeyed, because I'm Darth Morton, and I'm all evil and stuff. If people don't obey my orders, they're in trouble, and I make an example of them, just like I'm going to do to you!  
  
Koopa Troopa: No, I didn't mean...augh!  
  
The Koopa Troopa is having trouble breathing. The camera cuts away, so we don't know if it's dead or not.  
  
Morton: I don't care how long it takes! I want those Rebels found, especially that Lemmy CloudDropper, because the Farce is strong with him and I don't like people who are skilled in the Farce but not in the Dark Side. He could prove a dangerous threat, you know, which is why I want him. So follow them, or else do you want to end up like him?!  
  
Koopa Troopas: No sir.  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Lemmy: So you're that weird Toady guy?  
  
Toad: The name is Toad.  
  
Lemmy: Sorry.  
  
Toad: And I shall train you in the ways of the Farce, although you're too impatient to do it right.  
  
Lemmy: I'll do well!  
  
Toad: I wonder about that...  
  
Meanwhile..  
  
Our heroes are aboard the Century Eagle.  
  
Yoshi: Zorp!  
  
Susan: What did he say?  
  
Larry (sarcastically): He said 'Zorp!'  
  
Susan: I know that, but what did he mean?  
  
Larry: I don't know. Maybe that there's a Star Destroyer, er, I mean Sun Demolisher, coming straight at us?  
  
Susan: I think that was right...  
  
A Sun Demolisher is coming straight at them. Onboard the Sun Demolisher is Darth Morton.  
  
Morton: Aha! There is their ship. Now get me there, from here, to there, because I want to be there, and don't want to be here, so get me there in the fastest way possible, which is probably fast. DO IT!  
  
The Koopa Troopa, afraid to disobey, obeys.  
  
Susan: So what do we do?  
  
Larry: Easy. RUN!  
  
Susan runs in circles.  
  
Larry: Not that, idiot! Our spaceship needs to get out of here.  
  
Susan: Spaceships run?  
  
Larry: NO!  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Toad: Use the Farce...  
  
Lemmy: Um, yeah.  
  
Lemmy uses the Farce to cut a bunch of things in half with his DarkSword.  
  
Toad: No you idiot! You don't do it like that!  
  
Lemmy: How?  
  
Toad: Search within yourself for the inner strength...(what the heck am I saying, anyway?)  
  
Back to Larry and the others...  
  
Larry: I know! Let's head to Sky Ciudad.  
  
Susan: Sky Ciudad?  
  
Larry: Well, the creator didn't want to use City, so he just used the only Spanish word he knew, Ciudad!  
  
Yoshi: Oorp!  
  
Larry: I just hope the guy in charge doesn't remember that I, ahem, borrowed his ship.  
  
Susan: You STOLE it?  
  
Larry: Hey, I stole it fair and square!  
  
And so, Larry and the others all head to Sky Ciudad, which is called Sky City anyway. There they meet Iggy Landrasian.  
  
Iggy (Landrasian): Oh, hi Larry.  
  
Larry: Look, remember that I won the Century Eagle from you fair and square!  
  
Iggy: You never do anything fair and square!  
  
Larry: Okay, maybe not the fair part, but I do things the square way.  
  
Iggy: Nope, you do it the triangle way.  
  
Yoshi: Glorp.  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Lord Seth: See? I told you that Yoshi could say something without an explanation mark after it!  
  
Vapor: *sigh* Fine.  
  
Vapor gives Lord Seth a coin.  
  
Lord Seth: Woohoo! I won!  
  
Vapor: Lord Seth, you got one coin!  
  
Lord Seth: But I have the satisfaction that I won a bet against you.  
  
Vapor: You mean after you did it 200 times in a row?  
  
Lord Seth: Well, yeah. Now, where were we on the story?  
  
In Sky City...  
  
Iggy: So, ah, would you join me for a...drink?  
  
Larry: Hey! Kids are reading this!  
  
Iggy: Its NOT alcohol!  
  
Larry: Phew!  
  
(Note from the Author: Do not, in any shape or form, drink alcoholic bevereges until you reach the legal age, which usually is 21, and even then it's not that great of an idea. Just thought you might want to know.)  
  
So everyone goes with Iggy, but unfortunately discovers...  
  
Morton: I have you in my clutches now! I shall torture you then torture you some more and then you'll give me all the information I need because I'm torturing you anyway right now and-  
  
Iggy: SHUT UP!!!  
  
Morton: SHUT UP YOURSELF!!!  
  
Iggy: Uh, sorry guys. They came here before you.  
  
Larry: D'oh!  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Lemmy is trying to meditate, but isn't doing a very good job of it. He keeps imagining some weird place with all sorts of stories, like Fun Fiction and Scribbles and Interviews and Reviews and...  
  
Lemmy falls over.  
  
Lemmy: Oh no! Now I have a vision that Larry and Yoshi and Susan are all being held prisoner. I have to save them all...well, except for Susan, at least.  
  
Toad: You're a !@#%@ idiot! Whoops, did I say that? Anyway, you at a dangerous stage. You can use the force, but cannot control it. You may fall prey to the Dark Side of the force.  
  
Lemmy: Well, uh, I have to go save them.  
  
Toad: Why?  
  
Lemmy: It's in the script!  
  
Toad: Oh.  
  
So Lemmy goes into his spaceship and heads to Sky City. In fact, speaking of Sky City...  
  
Iggy: So, that's the reason that I couldn't stop the Empire from coming here and had to comply with them.  
  
Larry, in his anger, tries to lunge at Iggy.  
  
Lord Seth: Cut!  
  
Larry stops in mid-air, and falls to the ground.  
  
Lord Seth: We need a stunt double for this scene.  
  
Larry: What? What's so stunt about this?  
  
Lord Seth: I need to make a joke. Anyway, who are we supposed to use? Let's see...Roy is good at pummeling Iggy, but the scene calls for a strangling. Who's good at strangling?  
  
Homer Simpson: Me! Oh! Memememe!!!  
  
Lord Seth: Fine, I'll flip a coin. Heads, Homer; Tails, Roy. It lands on...heads. Looks like we're going to have to do some copyright infringement. Ah well, Roy's busy anyway. Take 2!  
  
Homer: Two what? Two donuts? Two breaks? Two-  
  
Lord Seth: No you idiot! I mean you have to repeat the scene!  
  
Homer: Okay.  
  
Homer, in a very badly created Larry outfit, strangles Iggy.  
  
Homer: Why you little...  
  
Lord Seth: Cut!  
  
Homer is dragged out, and Larry goes back there.  
  
Lord Seth: Take 1!  
  
Since the camera continues rolling, Iggy manages to fight Larry off and some Koopa Troopas come in, seperate the two, and escort Iggy out.  
  
Outside...  
  
Morton: Bring him to me you see I need to test out the carbon-freezing chamber so that I can hopefully use Luke because I don't want him dead so we need another human how about that idiot Larry that's a good idea!  
  
Larry is dragged in.  
  
Boom Boom Fott: You know, this guy is worth a lot to me. The bounty's double if I bring him to Ludwig alive. What if he doesn't survive?  
  
Morton: The Empire shall compensate you for your loss.  
  
Boom Boom (Fott): Okay. Hey, you said a short sentence!  
  
Morton: I did? Oops! Oh no, there's another one! I can't keep using these short sentences and talking less. Okay, freeze him!  
  
Larry is thrown into the thing-a-ma-bobber that freezes him within carbon, or whatever the thing-a-ma-jigger is supposed to do. Boom Boom takes him to his ship, the Sleeve II.  
  
Morton: It works! Hahahaha!!! Oh well, Lemmy should be coming here anytime now. And then he shall join the Dark Side of the Farce...or die! Mwahahaha!!!  
  
Lemmy shows up in a few minutes, after everyone else has leaved.  
  
Morton: I was right! You showed up. Okay, now we get to fight each other because otherwise we wouldn't have some cool confrontation anyway you must join the Dark Side or else you'll join Bowser in death!  
  
Both Morton and Lemmy fire up their DarkSwords and prepare to battle.  
  
Morton: But before we fight...there is something you must know about us. I am your father-  
  
Lemmy: WHAT?!  
  
Morton: You didn't let me finish! I am your father's brother's daughter's cousin's sister's brother's father's grandson's mother's brother!  
  
Lemmy: Meaning...  
  
Morton: I think I'm your brother.  
  
Lord Seth: You ARE his brother!  
  
Lemmy: EVEN WORSE!  
  
Morton: Shut up! The Emperor is old...soon he will die. Join me and we shall rule the Galaxy as...brother and brother!  
  
Lemmy: Big Brother?  
  
Morton: No, not that kind of brother! Please, this is reality, not some stupid book written by a weird guy about the world we may be becoming.  
  
Lemmy: Then why are there all these cameras all around here?  
  
Morton: To tape this so that we can show everyone else this and make them watch this pathetic excuse for a movie, er, movies!  
  
Lemmy: This is a movie?  
  
Morton: Well, of course it is! Don't you know that you're being watched? Even more importantly, didn't you get a script?  
  
Lemmy: No.  
  
Morton: Well, now I know why this thing is going along so weird, and-  
  
Lemmy: Does this mean I get paid?  
  
Morton: NO! Now are you going to do something or other, that is, join me, or fight me and probably die, or-  
  
Lemmy: Again, NO!  
  
Morton: Anyway, I think that...uh, what was I going to say? Oh drats, now I forgot. Oh well, I know what I'm going to do!  
  
Morton cuts off Lemmy's hand with his DarkSword.  
  
Lemmy: Owowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowow!!!!!!!!  
  
Morton: Whoops! I was aiming for your finger.  
  
Morton, walking towards Lemmy, causes Lemmy to fall down...down...and down because he was backing away and didn't see where he was walking.  
  
Morton: Oh drats, now he's dead. Now we won't have a movie at all. That means...*gasp* I won't get paid! Oh well, at least I get some pay from the Empire. Why did they have to tape all of this real-live action stuff? It's a reality show, kind of like Survivor, but entirely different.  
  
Morton walks away.  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Koopa Troopas are 'escorting' Yoshi and Susan away. Suddenly Iggy shows up. Using a ray gun he managed to get somewhere, he zaps all of the Koopa Troopas while their backs are turned. They are all rendered unconscious.  
  
Iggy: Uh, sorry about before, but Morton seems to be double-crossing me, so I thought that maybe I should perhaps help you out a little?  
  
Yoshi: Plorp.  
  
Iggy unshackles Yoshi and Susan's shackles, or uncuffs their handcuffs, or whatever. Yoshi immediately lunges at him.  
  
Iggy: Hey! Don't eat me!  
  
Susan: Why should we trust you?  
  
Iggy: Because I helped you! And anyway, we can go and maybe get Larry before it's too late!  
  
Yoshi: Oorp! (Translation: Yes!)  
  
Susan: *yawn* Fine.  
  
Unfortunately, after racing their, they notice the Sleeve II take off...they were too late. Hey wait a minute, where are Luigi and Mario anyway?  
  
Mario: I didn't get any speaking roles! I was disconnected the whole time and-  
  
Luigi: Bleep bloop!  
  
Iggy turns on a broadcasting system.  
  
Iggy (on the broadcast system): People of Sky City, I'd just like to say that the Empire is taking control of the city, so if you want to leave, now would be a good time to do it!  
  
Iggy turns off the broadcast system. Chaos reigns.  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Lemmy is barely holding onto the bottom of Sky City. He tries using the Farce to contact Susan, even if he doesn't really like her.  
  
Meanwhile, all of our semi-heroes are in the Century Eagle, being piloted by Luigi and Yoshi.  
  
Mario: I wonder where Lemmy is.  
  
Susan: Oh, I know! He's on the bottom of Sky City!  
  
Iggy: How'd you know that?  
  
Susan: I read ahead in the script.  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Lord Seth: Not another one!  
  
Back to where Lemmy is...  
  
Lemmy: Oh good. Now I can be rescued!  
  
Lemmy accidently falls, but fortunately falls onto the Century Eagle. He nearly dies from lack of oxygen, but manages to get inside.  
  
In the Sun Demolisher where Darth Morton is...  
  
Morton: Yes! Because of the anti-hyperdrive thing-a-ma-jigger installed on their hyperdrive, or what it's called, they won't be able to launch into hyperspace! By the way, where'd you get it?  
  
Koopa Troopa: It was made by some guy named Ludwig von Koopa.  
  
Morton: D'oh!  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Lemmy: Drats, it's not working!  
  
BBOOOMM!!  
  
Mario: I think it will now.  
  
The Century Eagle manages to exit through hyperspace. Where will their adventures lead to next? Will this story ever end? Find out next time.  
  
Episode VI: Revenge of the Jabits  
  
The following words appear in space, slowly cycling away from you until you can no longer see them (and cool music plays, too):  
  
Space Battles Episode VI: Revenge of the Jabits  
  
For all of you still watching this movie, or reading this story, we'll tell you the storyline. If you recall, Larry was carbon-froze, or whatever. Boom Boom Fott delivered him to Ludwig the Cutt, and Lemmy and his friends want to go and rescue him for no good reason. Meanwhile, however, the Empire has built a second Doom Sphere, even more powerful than the first! Unfortunately, Morton doesn't seem to be very happy with the progress...  
  
Morton: Do this stupid thing quicker. I want this Doom Sphere complete soon, so we can crush the Rebel Alliance, or whatever they're called, so that I can end this movie with my victory!  
  
Green Koopa Troopa: But we're working 17 hours a day!  
  
Morton: Well, then double your efforts! If it goes faster if you work twice as hard, and it'll take half as much time!  
  
Green Koopa Troopa: You mean work 34 hours a day?  
  
Morton: Um, yes. What's wrong with that? Nothing is wrong with that, 34 hours a day is good. I mean, I'm sorry if that's harsh, but we need to get this thing finished QUICKLY!  
  
Green Koopa Troopa: Did you ever take Math in school?  
  
Morton: More importantly, did YOU? Did you take Math, whether it was Algebra, Geometry, Arithmatic, Calculus, or something else?  
  
Green Koopa Troopa: Why does that make a difference?  
  
Morton: Because you'll be counting the seconds when I stop you from breathing...or was it minutes...no, hours! Wait, no one can stay alive that long without breathing, and then it can't be hours, so-  
  
Green Koopa Troopa: Actually, we've had a Boss Bass that's gone without breathing for one year now.  
  
Morton: D'oh!  
  
Green Koopa Troopa: Are you a fan of the Simpsons?  
  
Morton: Yes. Why am I talking so little right now? Well, in any case, get back on schedule, because the Emperor's coming here, and he is not as 'merciful' as I.  
  
Of course, we all know how little mercy Darth Morton has...none at all!  
  
Green Koopa Troopa: The Emperor can have negative mercy?  
  
Morton: Yes. Now, would you WANT him to demonstrate that on you?  
  
Green Koopa Troopa: N-no sir.  
  
Morton: Then hurry up on this, or else you'll discover how someone CAN have negative mercy!  
  
On Vapor...  
  
Vapor: On me?  
  
Lord Seth: No, the PLANET Vapor!  
  
Vapor: Ooh, there's a planet named after me?  
  
Lord Seth: No.  
  
Vapor: Aw...there was a planet named after YOU.  
  
Lord Seth: There was? When was this?  
  
Vapor: It was destroyed in Episode 4.  
  
Lord Seth: Whoops!  
  
On Vapor (the planet)...  
  
Mario and Luigi are walking to Ludwig's Palace.  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Bowser: That's my castle!  
  
Lord Seth: Look, we had to borrow it and, ah, move it to a different planet for this story. Do you mind?  
  
Bowser: I DO MIND!!!  
  
Lord Seth: Too bad! Now shut up, we need to get on with this.  
  
Back on Vapor...  
  
Mario: I can't believe we have to do this. Ludwig had better have some cheese, or else I'll get hungry!  
  
Luigi: Bleep Bloop Bleep (Robots don't eat).  
  
Mario: Oh, my mistake.  
  
Anyway, Mario and Luigi manage to get inside the Palace and meet up with Ludwig, who looks like Ludwig, except he's even fatter than he was, if that is possible.  
  
Ludwig the Cutt: I take offense at that!  
  
Mario: What's that Cutt part mean anyway?  
  
Ludwig (the Cutt): I have no idea. Now what are you doing here?  
  
Mario: Actually, I forgot.  
  
Ludwig: D'oh! Fine. Take these stupid droids and make them my slaves...or whatever they're supposed to be.  
  
Luigi and Mario are dragged off.  
  
Stupid Robot: Hi! I'm here to make you nice, friendly servants of Ludwig.  
  
In the Throne Room, or whatever it is...  
  
A musician band with a whole bunch of...musicians, I think you can figure out who some are, are playing music, as all musicians do. In fact, their music is pretty good!  
  
I had to put Wendy SOMEWHERE, so she gets the unfortunate role of being that one slave of Jabba, er, Ludwig, who is chained to him by the neck.  
  
Wendy: WHAT?! Why do I have to get this lousy role? I always knew I was your least favorite Koopaling, writer! And even worse!  
  
Ludwig: SHUT UP!  
  
Wendy: But I'm not done with my tantrum.  
  
Ludwig pushes a button and Wendy falls into the Angry Sun pit. The Angry Sun appears.  
  
Wendy: Drats. Do I have time to throw another tantrum?  
  
No, sorry.  
  
The Angry Sun eats Wendy, while she continues complaining about her lousy role. Finally, I got her to shut up!  
  
A little while later, Lemmy shows up and makes a pathetic attempt to convince Ludwig to let Larry go free. But before I tell you that story, I have to tell you THIS story...  
  
At night in Ludwig's Palace...  
  
A silent figure slinks through the palace, grumbling slightly about how she didn't want to rescue Larry in the first place anyway. But it was either that or her pay being cut lower than the minimum wage, so she accepted. Unfortunately, she, as you probably knew, gets caught. Then she is forced to be Ludwig's new slave, or whatever it is.  
  
Susan: Maybe I should've taken the lower pay.  
  
Okay, now back to that story.  
  
Random Person: Which story?  
  
The story we were on.  
  
Random Person: But which story was THAT?  
  
Find out as it goes on!  
  
Not-So-Random Person: Okay.  
  
So anyway Lemmy comes and tries to bargain with Ludwig, who drops him into the Angry Sun pit.  
  
Angry Sun: RRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!  
  
But Lemmy grabs the Sledgehammer Suit which someone left there, and puts it on, then wallops the Angry Sun. It collapses. It then becomes a Sad Sun.  
  
Sad Sun: WAAAAAHHHH!! I WANT MY MOMMY!  
  
Lemmy is dragged back up. Ludwig is annoyed, because a Sad Sun won't eat anyone.  
  
Ludwig: I hate you. I shall instead feed you and your friends to the dreaded Smilax, where you will digest for approximately...1001 years.  
  
Larry: I thought it was 1000 years.  
  
Ludwig: Yeah, but they forgot to round up.  
  
Larry: Oh.  
  
So they all were dragged over (literally) to the Smilax Pit. To make a long story short, they overpower all the bad guys, a bunch of them fall into Smilax's open jaws, Ludwig's ship blows up, and everyone is rescued.  
  
Now the camera fades out, and then cuts to a different scene. Larry, Yoshi, Susan, and Iggy all seem to be in some kind of space station or something like that. Sorry, but it's difficult to tell with our extremely low budget. Hey wait a minute...Lemmy's not there! Oh great, now I have to cut back and go back in time? Um, excuse me a moment.  
  
One day earlier..  
  
Lemmy comes back to Swampy, but Toad gets mad at him and gives him a lecture (while using a bunch of words I will NOT repeat), then says he has to face Darth Morton, who is his brother, and then he can become a Jedi Knight, or something like that, I forgot.  
  
Lemmy: Hey! Bowser said he killed my father!  
  
Toad: Yeah...Bowser WAS your father!  
  
Lemmy: But he was speaking in past tense...  
  
Toad: He was talking about the future in past tense, because he was in the future, or rather, forseeing what was happening, so he was talking about what happened BEFORE the timeframe he was referring to being in. NOW SHUT UP!  
  
Toad disappears...did he die or something? Anyway, now Lemmy goes back into his spaceship and is going to the space station (which is made out cardboard boxes...)  
  
Iggy: Ix-nay on the udget-bay.  
  
Sorry.  
  
Para-Goomba: Anyway, so the shielding of the Doom Sphere is coming from the moon of Pendor, so we just need to destroy the shield generator there, and our job is done! Then we go INTO the Doom Sphere and blow up the fission thingy inside it, causing a chain reaction so it'll blow up. Fortunately, we have gotten a clearance to Pendor. Oh, and the Emperor's going to be on the Doom Sphere, so if we blow it up, then the Empire will come crashing down. Now we just need a control team...that is, some people to GIVE the code and enter, while the rest of the people who are going to enter secretly land. Any questions?  
  
Everyone: We have a question!  
  
Para-Goomba: Too bad. Okay, the control team will consist of Lemmy, Larry, Yoshi, Mario, and Luigi.  
  
Mario: I've got a bad feeling about this...  
  
Luigi: Bleep bloop!  
  
Iggy: So I get to lead the attack on the Doom Sphere?  
  
Larry: You can borrow the Century Eagle, but it had better come back in one piece!  
  
Iggy: Sure!  
  
Larry: Now just give me 1,000,000 coins as a deposit.  
  
Iggy: *sigh* Okay.  
  
Iggy gives Larry the money.  
  
Okay, now to make a short story long...  
  
Meanwhile, on the Doom Sphere, the Emperor has arrived.  
  
Emperor: Hello, Morton.  
  
Morton: Greetings your excellency! (hey, I'm not going to talk a lot to my BOSS!)  
  
Emperor: I sense that you wish to find you brother...  
  
Suddenly, everything freezed in place! We see Lord Seth come onto the scene.  
  
Lord Seth: Don't worry, I'm just moving at exactly the speed of light, so no one will notice this brief interruption (fortunately, the camera is also). Anyway, Lemmy, just so you know, got one of those robotic hands so that he could use a hand. Of course, it looks just like a normal one. Okay, I'm out of here.  
  
Time resumes.  
  
Morton: You sense correctly, my master.  
  
Anyway, because of the code clearance they managed to land on Pendor...or is it just a moon of the planet Pendor? I have no idea, they never research these things enough! Oh well, we'll just go to this place, which is like a jungle, expect it covers the whole planet...er, I mean moon. There they encounter Bumpty-Penguins, some semi-peaceful creatures who live there.  
  
Bumpty-Penguin: undeciferable language  
  
This is too long anyway...we're losing the interest of our audience. Okay, I'll try to make this quick. They manage to convince the Bumpty-Penguins that they should help them, and they go and destroy the shield generator, except that it was a trap, but they manage to anyway. Oh great, I'm ruining the suspense. Anyway, Lemmy went for the Doom Sphere to meet Morton.  
  
On the Doom Sphere...  
  
Emperor: Ah...so you have come.  
  
Lemmy: Who are you anyway?  
  
Emperor: I was waiting for someone to ask!  
  
The Emperor takes off his hood, exposing Roy.  
  
Emperor (Roy): Now I'm going to beat you up!  
  
Roy beats Lemmy up.  
  
Morton: Is that wise?  
  
Roy: YOU QUESTION ME?!  
  
Roy beats Morton up. The Morton throws him down into a shaft.  
  
Lemmy: Did you do that because of the good in you?  
  
Morton: No, it was my bad eyesight. I thought that it was YOU that I threw down the shaft!  
  
Morton runs out, then hops into a spaceship, then flies away. Lemmy does the same, but Morton went into hyperspace so it's too late to follow him. The Doom Sphere explodes, and everyone celebrates the fall of the Empire.  
  
Lemmy: But I'm still sure Morton escaped!  
  
Larry: You're just letting your imagination get to you.  
  
So the Empire was pretty much defeated, but Morton escaped again. What will he do? What CAN he do? Well, the only way to find out would be to watch Space Battles Episode 7. Unfortunately, the producer says we have to bring out Episodes 1, 2, and 3 first. Sorry!  
  
The audience watching the movie throws rotten tomatoes at the screen.  
  
The End 


End file.
